Just some stuff about

1) Life is invariably and unsatisfyingly normal. It has its good parts but its not an oasis of unending freedom and fun. Certainly not what 13 year old me envisioned , I was certainly deluded at that point.

2) Uncertainty is ubiquitous — there is not really a chalked out plan yet, even if there is its not how you want it to be. The uncertainty of the future is also sometimes bone chilling. With your parents and prying uncles and aunties constantly asking you about your “future plans”. It gets really overwhelming considering the fact that you haven't even decided your next meal or even the smallest things in your life.

3) Innocent and innocuous jibes from your parents saying “ Come on, your already 19! are too common.

4) At the same time, your mom still wants you to feed you when your sick, go shopping with you, not let you go in a cab or auto alone.

5) Friday nights and weekends are still the same- with the same old bunch of movies and TV shows with the same old people and the same old food.

6) You still don’t drink tea and probably never will.

7) You realize who your true friends are. Period

8) For Pete's sake stuff that happens in high school stays in High school. None of the people who tried to weigh you down or belittle you in high school will matter anymore. In fact you feel stupid that you paid so much heed to what they said and let them define you. Even the fact that you used to tries impress everyone and be a people pleaser and even go to ludicrous lengths so that someone could like you. Strolling down memory lane I realized you really do wanna shake your 13-year old self.

9) Its okay to be confused, accept it, embrace it and use it as an asset to try and experiment with different things.

10) The most important one : you finally accept all 5ft of you, acknowledge your flaws and be comfortable in your skin. All the years of body shaming, episodes of crash diets finally die down ( I think).

Not all 5 ft but ehh

11) Your parents don’t dig into your business anymore. Knocking finally exists. Your studies are not the subject of dinner table conversations anymore. It feels good but also strange and weird.

12) Phone confiscation is not a thing anymore. More often than not if you wanna focus and study its your call to stay away from your phone. Or many times you have to focus and u cant so u hand it over to mommy and tell her to keep it. Its all up to you and that sudden influx of responsibility and independence becomes a bit too much.

13) When family members and parents used to say “ think of your future” when you were in high school you never really took them seriously but now those words reverberate every now and then and thought of it get yo u into this slew of overthinking and a lot of deliberation on minute and petty things.

14) Your inner child is still alive and keeps resurfacing when a bad dreams comes or when your out for cocktails and you still wanna have milkshake, not because you are scared of what's going to happen but because still love milkshake.

Freakshakes ftw !

15) Start googling the most disparate and random things like “how do I get rich at 19” , “ successful quotes” and even “ how do u start a zoom meeting”. ( yes I'm a technologically redundant)

16) IDK if its just me but now not every meal is served to you but (voluntarily, you help out or rather make max 1 0r 2 meals for yourself. Even though its very simple. Maybe this one is just based of of quarantine and I think most of us went on a cooking spree !

17) When you depend on your parents to even buy the most petty things.

18 ) There are many things to do and you wanna do everything, you cant choose. I mean you can but then again you cant. Then you end up doing nothing.

19 ) L A S T B U T D E F I N I T E L Y N O T T H E L E A S T

Something I realized is that amidst this uncertainty if u really have a dream or an idea or something you really wanna do it. Just do it. It might be an uphill battle but you will figure it out. You always do. Be the girl who went for it !